5 Simple Self-Care Tips

From the moment we wake up, we jump straight into starting the day full speed working, child-caring, housework, driving our kids around, helping out with homework, putting the kids to bed, then we spread ourselves out on the sofa, watching Netflix and sometimes binge on snacks. The next day, we get up and do it all over again. A common thing I hear from mothers is that they don't have time for themselves. Does this sound familiar to you?

"I don't have time to work out."

"I don't have time to read a book."

"I don't have time to listen to music."

"I don't have time to take a long bath."

"I don't have time to get a massage."

As mothers, we take care of our family's needs first and leave little room for ourselves. This kind of neglect can manifest in many different ways. We get overwhelmed, frustrated, anxious, and easily irritated, and such emotions can cause us to have sleeping difficulties, emotionally eat, feel less motivated, and be less patient when dealing with things that don't go our way. Sometimes, in the worst cases, it can lead to burnout.

It took me a while to carve out time for myself, between looking after my family, housework and working on my coaching practice, time is minimal. Before, when I only had my son, I used to go to a yoga studio twice a week while he was in daycare. I always left the yoga studio in a good mood and was much calmer dealing with my son.

Now, with two kids, it was also not easy for me to do something for myself in the beginning. Every time I started doing yoga, my daughter would climb on me and ask for boob, so I had to stop and breastfeed her. Sometimes, my son would say he wanted to do "his" yoga videos first, but then I would reason with him and ask him, "Do you want me to be a peaceful mommy or an angry mommy?" And he would reply, "A peaceful mommy". It works almost every time! Now, whenever I turn on my yoga videos, my kids watch me do yoga; sometimes, they even join me.

When the lockdown happened, the pandemic panic mood swept in. I was worrying a lot about my family's future and my parents' safety in Singapore. I found it hard to focus and get anything done for myself. But after the first month of coping with the new normal, I realised there was nothing I could do about the pandemic besides carrying on with life. That's when I planned a schedule for my family, and I decided to set some time to move. Since then, I have managed to do 10 mins of yoga in the morning three times a week and 15 mins of HIIT workout twice weekly. I also started taking naps with my daughter in the afternoon to rest when needed.

I learned that when I take the time to fulfil my needs, I can show up and be a better mother and wife! I noticed that I am more patient to deal with my kids, I don't lash out when they mess up something, and I'm much calmer when they have a tantrum. I'm also less resentful and critical of my husband when he does things differently from me, like how he cleans up.

I believe it's possible to implement some self-care routine for yourself. Here are five simple tips:

1) IDENTIFY WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY- Is it nature walks or running? Long baths with candles or reading a book? A nice massage, facial or pedicure?

2) ASK FOR HELP- Ask your partner, family members, older kids, or helper to look after your kids, consider placing your kids in daycare while you take this time for yourself.

3) BE SPECIFIC & START SLOW- When do you want to take the time? State your days and times. Start with one day of the week and slowly work your way up.

4) SCHEDULE IT DOWN- Set a weekly calendar reminder and share it with your family. I have a notification to meditate every day at 9 pm. Even if I don't manage to do it every day, I still do it five days out of seven. 

5) GET SUPPORT - Join a community where you meet once a week or Facebook groups to motivate you, rope in a friend to join you in your activities or work with a coach. 

A great way to think about self-care is when there is an emergency on a flight; they always recommend that you put the gas mask on yourself before you help the person next to you. So the next time you think you are selfish and want time to recharge, think again.

Your needs matter too, Mama.

With love,

Marisa x  

Questions? Let me know in the comment section below.