5 Steps to Let Go of Sh*t That Bothers You

The other day, both my kids had no school, and as the default parent, I woke up dreading a whole day with them. I desperately wanted to work on my website on a new platform. My goal for the end of the year is to have the website up and running before the new year. I wanted to get to my laptop and work away, but I realized my usual thought pattern when I have my kids the whole day was to go into a spiral of negative thoughts. 

Thoughts like: 

1. "Why must I be the default parent and drop everything?" 
2. "Why do I have to sacrifice my work time?"
3. "How can I build my coaching business when things are not in place to help working mothers in Switzerland?" 
4. "I hate that everything is so expensive in Switzerland, and we can't afford a nanny?" 
5. "The Swiss school system is so backwards and keeps mothers at home more than other European countries."

Then I'll get all riled up, pissed off at the state of the situation, and take it out by being passive-aggressive with my kids and repeating the same pattern of being utterly fucking disappointed in myself for not being "productive" today. This time, though, I quickly noticed the thought pattern coming up, and I said to myself, "There it is again". The same fucking thought pattern when I have to stay at home with my kids the whole day. The echos of my past wounds resurfaced as, "You are not productive!". 

Somehow, before the spiral began, I decided to do things differently this time. I told myself, "Look, today you won't get any work done, so instead of moaning and complaining, accept that you will only be cleaning the kitchen counter today. This is where your "productivity" ends." What happened next was a new discovery; I immediately felt a release in my body. I was so adamant and fixated on the idea that I didn't get any work done that my body had been constricted and uptight. The space between my eyebrows relaxed, and my body felt lighter. 

Through releasing the usual thought pattern, expansion happened! I spent the rest of the day more at ease and had a great day with my kids. We went to the town fair and coloured some Halloween pictures together. By letting go of the thought that "I will not get any work today" pass by like the wings of a fluttering butterfly, I shifted how the rest of the day would turn out. 

How often do we restrict and fixate on how things should be and suffer the consequences of this constriction? 

So here are five steps to let go of shit that bothers you: 

1. Acknowledge the Presence of Your Inner Critic:

The journey towards healing begins with acknowledging the presence of your inner critic. As I mentioned, I woke up dreading an entire day with my kids and desperately wanting to work on my website. This situation triggered a familiar spiral of negative thoughts. I'm sure many of you can relate to that feeling of frustration and overwhelm. The first step is simply recognizing that you're in the grip of this inner critic – that voice from your past that tells you that you're not good enough, not productive enough. 

2. Notice the Unsettling Thoughts:

Identifying the unsettling thoughts is the next crucial step. As a default parent, I found myself thinking, "Why must I be the default parent and drop everything?" or "Why do I have to sacrifice my work time?" It's important to pinpoint these thoughts and emotions that arise during triggering situations. This self-awareness is the key to taking back control over your mind. You can even write them down as you think of them. 

3. Naming Your Inner Critic:

By naming your inner critic, you detach from it. I like to call mine "The Mean Marisa." This step separates you from the self-defeating thoughts, allowing you to see them as separate from your true self, the kind and patient person you are, making it easier to challenge and change them. 

4. Interrupt the Thought Spiral:

Breaking free from the thought spiral before it gains momentum is crucial. As soon as you notice these thoughts creeping in, pause and take a deep breath. Challenge them by asking yourself, "Are these thoughts based on facts, or are they echoes of my past wounds?" This simple pause can disrupt the negative thought patterns and create room for more positive emotions. 

5. Replace Negative Patterns with Positive Ones:

By deciding to do things differently, instead of dwelling on my inability to work, I accepted that today's productivity level is cleaning the kitchen counter. This shift in mindset made me feel lighter and more at ease, and in the end, I had a fun day with my kids. By disrupting your usual thought patterns with new, constructive ones, you can open space for positivity and expansion. 

Childhood trauma can cast a long shadow, but by acknowledging, naming, and challenging the negative thought patterns that hold you back, you can find greater ease and positivity in your daily life. Try these five steps this week and share your experiences with me; I would love to hear from you in the comments section. 

When you stop trying to control and fight a situation by changing your thoughts, you may be pleasantly surprised by the expansion and positivity that can result. Remember, healing is a lifelong journey, and small steps like these can significantly affect your outlook on life. 

Book a 30-minute clarity call with me here, and let me help you change some negative thought patterns.